you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
