Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You ate ashes out of my bong
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize