i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
