He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
