you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
