her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's like iHOP with fire
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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