WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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