Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
