here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
then he tried to convert me to islam
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
