I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
