Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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