Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
