bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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