matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize