So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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