dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
