The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
