Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
