I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
