at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
