every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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