I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
