I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
