About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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