I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
