He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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