nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
