Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize