Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize