I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
