if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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