Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
