If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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