Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
