I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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