I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
