Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
there is puke in my bra ... again
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