These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i out mim tonsoeep
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
