you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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