What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
