I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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