i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i've created a new STD.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize