So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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