i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
