Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
