I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
