youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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