we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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