i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
