I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I need to stop coming to work sober
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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