My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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