margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
