she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
