Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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