its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He? As in you personified your dick?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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