Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
