i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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