Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
