Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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