I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
