she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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