Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
