Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
