It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
