my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
