Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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