shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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