Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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