hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
