We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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