take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
