I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
