The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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