from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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