He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
