I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
