Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
