hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
