Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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