Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
