I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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