I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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