Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
