ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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